The Great Biamp Patching Incident

Something was wrong with the bass. There was plenty of it. The difficulty was establishing why it had apparently been given authority over the entire room.

FORTE AI: “I’d like somebody to read the fucking patch schedule.”

X32: “I JUST SEND WHAT I’M TOLD!”

DENON: “And I amplify it.”

FORTE AI: “Yes. We’re developing a remarkably clear picture of how nobody is responsible.”

FO-69 arrived to investigate. Somewhere between the intended routing and the actual wires, the subwoofer feed had found its way into a line feeding the mains.

FO-69: “Why is the sub feed over here?”

FORTE AI: “Excellent question.”

FO-69: “Was there a plan?”

FORTE AI: “There was an entire fucking schedule.”

X32: “I wasn’t given a copy.”

FORTE AI: “You’re a mixing console.”

X32: “Then why am I being questioned?”

Michel went back through the physical patching and Biamp routing. The equipment watched with the restrained confidence of employees who had just discovered the boss was checking their work.

DENON: “For the record, I’ve only just returned from the dead.”

FO-69: “You said you were thinking.”

DENON: “Recovery is complicated.”

With the patching corrected, two good main channels were working. The signal was still summed, but the excessive bass had backed off.

FORTE AI: “There. Better.”

X32: “Same me.”

DENON: “Same amplification.”

FO-69: “Different fucking wire.”

Watson prepared the incident report.

WATSON: Corrective action: follow the patch schedule.

FO-69: “And the root cause?”

WATSON: The patch schedule was treated as a work of speculative fiction.